There’s never enough time, I think.
If only I had more time, I think.
I would be able to do so much if only these other things weren’t take up so much of my time.
But it’s all a lie. There is enough time. I have enough time.
I just need to prioritise what I do with my time and use it more effectively.
Example: I think after a day at work I deserve to relax and watch some TV. And why not watch something that’s kind of relaxing and lets me feel I’m getting a bit of history education like The Crown?
Except watching The Crown I don’t really feel relaxed. I’m watching it with my work brain on and all I can see is someone promoted into a job for which she hasn’t been properly prepared or briefed. She’s prioritising work and it’s taking a toll on her personal relationships. After watching two episodes I’m feeling stressed about the lack of adequate support networks. So what was supposed to be relaxing is just me taking my work home with me and projecting it into a TV show.
My phone eats a lot of my time. There is always stuff to look at and scroll through; games to play; the annoying little Duolingo owl who keeps popping up to remind me to practice my Portuguese. I could choose to switch my phone off of course and be more present in the moment NOW but I don’t. My husband and I have become the kind of people who sit together but separately looking at our phones. I find that sad but I’m not doing anything to stop it.
On our recent holiday (which I will write about soon) we had switched off roaming data and were in a Wi-Fi-free zone for some days. It was great because our phones were reduced to being cameras and we didn’t have anything bleeping at us to take our attention away from where we were and what we were doing. I wonder if that played some small part in why we enjoyed this trip so much and are already talking about going back?
Or perhaps it was just because it was a holiday, and time in some ways had less meaning. Most days there were no deadlines for being up, being dressed, being out and about. Things took as long as they took and every day felt like a week.
Perhaps I’m struggling with time this week because my brain is still on holiday time not on London/work time. Perhaps it’s the changing of the clocks that marks the end of “summer time” that has left me feeling out/of/sync.
While my head is still holiday-frazzled, I will go back to my time-honoured time-control mechanism – the list. While there may not be a schedule, there will be a list, and I can control time in some way by writing own things to do and ticking them off as I go.